Learning to Love

Some people are really good at being in love but not very good at loving.

Being in love typically looks like this: he walks into the room, and your heart starts beating faster. You find her in the middle of a crowd and don’t leave her side. When you are apart, you send him texts (in code) to tell him how much you love him. When it’s her birthday, you agonize over finding just the right gift. And of course, he’s your top friend on MySpace and she appears right there in your Facebook relationship status.

Loving someone looks just a little different. Here are two suggestions on how to love

Situation 1: You really want to spend some quality time with your boyfriend. He has a big science project due tomorrow. It is great to want to see your boyfriend, but distracting him from his work (and possibly costing him a good night’s rest) won’t be very helpful. Instead, think of something that would help him – something that may not benefit you at all. Either spend the evening making him an encouraging card to give him the next day, or perhaps drive a caramel mocha over to his house (to help with the studying) but drop it off instead of hanging around making it difficult to get work done. Both of those put his interests before your own.

Situation 2: There is a playoff game on TV at the same time as your girlfriend’s dance recital. One of the most important things for couples to learn is how to share each other’s interests. In this case, record the playoff game and go see the dance recital. Make an effort to be excited about what your girlfriend accomplishes. Then you can invite her to watch the recorded game with you. If she seems hesitant, remind her that you really want to share your favorite things with her, and this is one of them. (Maybe you can offer to play a board game with her while you watch, too).

The point is, no matter how hard and annoying it seems, put the other person’s needs and desires first. (Keep in mind, this assumes that your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t asking you to do something wrong, like lying or stealing, or against your beliefs, like becoming sexually active.) And this lesson goes for everyone! It is how you should treat your parents, siblings, and friends – not just that person you have a crush on! Take the time right now to make a list of three people to love, and how you will put their needs first this week.