The Greatest Gift

This Christmas, more than ever before, I am really glad that I am abstinent. Why? Because I am in the healthiest, happiest, most enjoyable dating relationship of my life.

I have thought a lot about what sets our relationship apart and makes it so fun and healthy, and what comes to mind is the focus that we have. We each decide to make the other person’s needs a priority. For me, that means taking time to open up and honestly share my thoughts with my boyfriend, even when it takes a lot of effort, because he told me that one of his biggest needs in a relationship is to experience openness and honesty. For my boyfriend, meeting one of my biggest needs means that he goes out of his way to be affectionate – holding my hand, sending me nice emails throughout the day, writing me a card. Neither of us has to do those things, but we choose to because those are the things that mean the most to the other person.

We also make time to enjoy activities together. We try to plan at least one date each week, and make sure that we plan something to do, so that we don’t fall into the trap of just watching TV or staring at each other…which may lead to other things that aren’t as healthy. And the biggest advantage to shared activities is creating memories that can be recalled over and over again! Sometimes it seems like we have more fun laughing over our memories with each other than we did making the memories in the first place! And each activity gives us a new way to get to know the other person and reminds me of how much I have to look forward to in the relationship.

So where would sex come in? The point of our relationship is to care for each other and get to know each other – which is what “intimacy” really means! If we had sex, it would take the focus off of caring for each other and getting to know each other, and it would put the emphasis onto physical performance. That would destroy everything that makes our relationship so great! My boyfriend and I each want to save sex for marriage. And who knows? That marriage may be to each other! But we are remaining abstinent, because we both realize that it isn’t about saving sex for the person we marry, but rather for the marriage itself!